To not have to watch those who she respected most turn their backs on her forever. Back to that fateful day, so she might take back that one blow too many. That, and-although she knows it can never be-the chance to go back. You know, how she's barricaded herself inside a fortress of hostility, when deep down all she really wants is appreciation and acceptance. I think this modsman really captured the world-weary spirit of Uthgerd the Unbroken.
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